Pit stop

Just taking a break from the books. Finals soon. Crazy. Ethics 400 at 2pm on 14th of April and Applied Pharmacotherapeutics at 10am on 16th of April. I was just thinking of what to do to celebrate my 21st birthday. I've shortlisted them to these:

-bungee jump
-sky diving
-try skiing and experiencing snow (very unlikely considering my busted knee)
-climb Harbour Bridge in Sydney (i've been wanting to for YEARS..mum would remember, haha)
-get a new Anterior Cruciate Ligament (most likely) and wait another 10 or so months before i can play competitive soccer. Bummer... as if i've not waited long enough.

Sigh. I feel so crappy to be limited to what i can do and what i can't. I'm hitting 21, going to reach my pinnacle (energy wise) and i can't 'be all i can be'. Then again, the optimists would say, "try other avenues mate!"

Oh well, no harm trying :) Anybody up for some reading and writing? haha. Maybe it's time to pursue photography again. I stopped that for awhile as i had too much things on my plate.

I was just reminded that come tomorrow, it would be 5 yrs since She left us. I won't hide it. I miss Ah Mah. I still remember that day, in the hospital when Mum told me, "She's in heaven already." I just sat down in a corner sobbing away. There are times when i sit down and think, "I wonder how would Ah Mah feel if she was around . . . . . " or "wouldn't it be good if Ah Ma was here?" If there's one thing i really treasure, it would be family. When the Aussie cousins were back and we had so much fun doing all kinds of things, in my heart, i was thinking, "if only She was here, She could join in the fun too." She was a real pillar of strength for my family. She really left a gap when she returned home to Our Lord.

Being the naughty kid i was when i was younger, i remeber always just calling her, 'Ahma' and not my 'Ahkong' as well, haha, he can be sometimes very 'scary'.
I remember the time also when she sat me down and thought me how to scrub the drains at her place. She would sit down on her stool and i would just squat as i was younger and the both of us would use this funny scrub thing and just scrub the drains. Ever since then, i really looked forward to scrubbing drains at her place for no particular reason. I also remember the times when she would checked me bum bum for worms. Yes, i was a dirty little fellow. I also remember that day when she had to cleaned Ah Ben's bottom coz he poo poo in his pants. I also remember the day when i made my sister cry and she 'hit' me to show my sister that justice was sought but Ah Mah actually just gently touched me. I remember the countless days when she cooked all kinds of yummy food for us, especially mee hun kueh as she would let me pick the dough. I always looked forward to her cooking. And how can i forget the countless milos that she has made for me. Among my siblings, i am grateful to have known This Amazing Lady the longest obviously due to me being the oldest but i'm sure they would have their own words about Her.

I know She'd be proud of us. I know I am.

I just realised that this post contained traces of 2 of the many impactful incidences in my life. Both involving losses. Both that i still question, 'Why, Lord, Why?'

Pardon me, i need to retreat to my corner.