And just like that. . .

perks of working in a mall, i get a privillege card which entitles me to pretty good bargains.

close up of my uniform

my overall uniform. its just the grey shirt with the word priceline on it and some cool designs on the collar

Christmas day

my attempt to be a good baby sitter. The rest of the Lee's were cherry picking while Kai and me just ate them. I dirtied my shorts and slippers with cherry juice while Kai dirtied his own clothes.

And just like that, it's almost 2009. Thank God i'm still in one piece. Made it through my second week at work and there's much progress in terms of the growing up side of me.

Celebrated my first ever Christmas without my biological family. I thank God for the other 'families' that i have here with me in Adelaide. Felt a bit like Chinese New Year at home coz we were going from one house to another just eating (food was a bit different, instead of chinese dishes, we had western stuffs) and the it was so hot!!! It's summer over here!!

On the 27th, couple of us 'remnants' went to experience the boxing day sales in Adelaide. For some reason, boxing day sales only starts on the 27th as opposed to the 26th for the other states in Australia. Made plans to be at the mall by 5.30 but i overslept. Thank God Erwin called and dragged me out of bed and manage to meet him and James at the mall at 5.45am. That particular mall only opened at 7 (we didnt know that) so being there so early, we were one of the early birds. And you know how the early birds always get the worms, each of us got a $103 dollars gift card. totally unexpected man. and it was David Jones (some mall which houses like really expensive brands, even after ridiculous discounts, i still think it's too overpriced).

Thank You Lord. :)

And right now, i would just like to take this moment to appreciate the one girl that has made me cry TWICE.

Ms. Lee Ee May.

I told myself that i would not cry at the airport when she left Adelaide back to KL but oh well..why try so hard??

haha.

You made a difference in my life.

missing you.

hope you have fun with chai chai and the rest. hehe.

Day 1

Made it through Day 1 of Work. Thank God. :)

Thank you Uncle Yoon Loi and Aunty Woon Do for popping over at the pharmacy today. Not to forget Ms JC and LL too :) also, for the countless sms' of encouragement and prayers. I was almost late for work coz there was a burst pipe on Main North Rd (the road i take to work), thank God i left early and made it just in time.

Boy, super tired man. 

Goal for the week: to last till Friday. 

The Rising Tide

It had all the elements of a typical Hollywood film. Away from home, slight drizzle (in replace of snow), Christmas carols in the background, gloomy clouds, nice fancy decoration and Christmas lightings and a good company to share and enjoy the time with.

I just realised again how blessed I am to be where I am right now in life. The beloved housemate left for holidays today and i now know how he felt when I was away but i thank God that so far, I'm handling it well. Instead of seeing misfortunes, i choose to see the opportunities available. And i thank God for this new change of perspectives. Hopefully, it's a sign of more to come.

Christmas is approaching; this will be my first time celebrating Christmas without my family, if memory serves me right, and yes, i'm missing them terribly but again, I'm choosing to focus on the opportunity to celebrate Christmas as how i see it should be done and not to forget the opportunity to celebrate it in a different country with a great bunch of friends and brothers and sisters.

I'm reminded again of The Best Gift of all that mankind could ever receive. 

Thank You.

Work is starting this Monday. I'm pretty excited about it actually. Hello 5 days a week 9-5 working in a pharmacy. Let's see where this goes. Pray for me. That I will try to be a light for Him in an already broken world.

Fuuh...

 AGM 2008

A long lost buddy

4.30am. 

Uncle's Church leader's son

Fuuuhhh indeed. What an incredible 2 weeks. Made a last minute random decision to fly to Sydney to chill for a bit. Spent some time with the Cousins. (one of them's coming over to Adl end of the month to stay with me - the good-looking one) Came back to Adelaide. Inherited Alva from Amanda for the summer. Packed and drove to Woodhouse for OCF Australia's annual convention, continued with AGM 2008, elected into EXCO OCF Australia. Had countless deep, thought-provoking conversations with a lot of people (one of them being Dr Calvin Ma, Director of OMF Aust) and now back in my lil unit in North Adelaide. fuuhhhh....

Finally get to breathe.

I look forward in anticipation of what is to come. If there is one thing that i sense God was challenging a lot of us during the past few weeks (thru the devo's, BS's, sharings, conversations) was that hey, I AM returning soon and what are you doing about it?  

Work's starting this Monday. That leaves me with the next few days to slowly settle back into the daily grind. Gotta prepare myself for what is to come.

At the threshold of a new era

If any of you, like me, used to watch TV3 at 6pm back in Malaysia, you would recognize the title of this aptly-named post as a familiar name of a popular Hong Kong series. man, I can't even remember what it was all about but i remembered watching it diligently everyday not understanding a single thing the characters were saying but just reading the malay subtitles.

And so, i find myself really in a very interesting position. I'm at the brink of another chapter in my life. After studying for a bit at the Uni library today, i decided to take a walk home instead of the usual bus. (also, i missed the free shuttle service from the city to my suburb..hah) But yea, used to walk home from uni, takes about 30-40mins and i really enjoyed it. Haven't had the chance to do it regularly since the surgery though. And yes, i sometimes enjoy long walks, especially when the birdies are flying around singing, sun is shining, flowers are blooming and the guys are playing some good football at the nearby field. (i can't waittt...haha)

From starting Uni in a lil place call Sepang Institute of Technology to coming over to the University of South Australia..it really has been a journey. As i look back, there were times where i really did not like where i was in life, i really was impatient with how long i was taking to learn some of the things, how things were around me and not to mention all the moments when i wondered boy, am i really doing the right thing and things like, man, is this really me? (yes, i used to struggle A LOT with my self-esteem and self-identity, i would think that a person would finally be rid of all these struggles come 21 but i guess i can be wrong). 

I've come to see that God really does not make mistakes. Every single experience that i have went through, every single question that i asked and pondered on, every single person that i have met, every single classes i went for, this course that i am in and studying for (every single girl that i have had a crush on..haha..yes.even that!!!) ....EVERYTHING!!!!! had a purpose. Whether it being life-changing, character-building, emotionally-challenging... It had a pupose! I will not be who I am today if anyone of those experiences was not there. When I'm not doing anything, i can end up thinking a lot and i realized too every single thoughts played out in my mind has an impact. I guess i'm beginning to see how everything is a means to an end. (used to think that i was in the wrong course but i've realized that this is for me as it helped deal with some of the issues that i have been struggling with)

God is Faithful. . . . even when we are not.

I wrote the following in my blog description last year and i called it 'Home alone'. Home alone refers to this time of my life where i feel like i have been 'thrown into the lion's den'; everything that i once held so dear at home have been 'temporarily' removed from me and i need to learn to how to 'live' all over again. So,I'm hoping that maybe i will go 'home' changed...for the better, i hope. God Bless.

And i feel that a new season is beginning in my life which led to the new blog title.

Sojourn of a Pilgrim.

I look ahead and i see the one thousand and one ways of how things now can transpire and how it may affect me. I feel so grateful because i know that He is in control. I really feel His peace guarding my heart (Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus). He is really building me up and moulding me to be more like Him. I sometimes dream that i will one day first be a missionary and then end working in church leadership but i've come to realized that i am a missionary NOW and also a priest NOW. (1 Pet 2:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light) side note: i just realized that we are priests so that we can praise Him, again another reminder to me that this life is all about Him.

Yes, i still have a heart for my home, Malaysia but i'm beginning to have a more global perspective to where God may be calling me to. (maybe mission work in a foreign land first and then church in Malaysia?haha) and of course, things like these are HUGE and beyond me right now (i may end up doing something totally different, who knowss..) but I am His and He knows me better than i know myself. He knows what excites me and what I am created for.

Christianitytoday did a survey among some American pastors recently. The question put forward was 'is the Kingdom of God a present reality, future reality or both?' 37% said future, 20% said present whilst 33% said it was both. Interestingly, 58% of them said that they believed the kingdom of God is a future reality 10 years ago. I believe that the Kingdom of God is both but i may be wrong (haven't did much research on it yet, but will get to it one day) but the point I'm making is that there is also a shift in paradigm amongst the Church today. Whether for good or bad i dont know yet but i can only pray that His will be done with His bride.

And i ask Him now to see where i fit in His great scheme of things and what does He want me to do.

Aunty Mei Lin emailed me a devo from 'Our daily bread' and the following is an excerpt from it.

F. B. Meyer said, “What a chapter might be written of God’s delays! It is the mystery of the art of educating human spirits to the finest temper of which they are capable. What searchings of heart, what analyzings of motives, what testings of the Word of God, what upliftings of soul. . . . All these are associated with those weary days of waiting, which are, nevertheless, big with spiritual destiny.”  — David H. Roper

Be still, My child, and know that I am God!
Wait thou patiently—I know the path you trod.
So falter not, nor fear, nor think to run and hide,
For I, thy hope and strength, am waiting by thy side. —Hein

And the Spirit comes

HELP ME BELIEVE
Take me back to the time
When I was maybe eight or nine
And I believed
When Jesus walked on waters blue
And if He helped me, I could too
If I believed
Before rationale, analysis and systematic thinking
Robbed me of a sweet simplicity
When wonders and when mysteries
Were far less often silly dreams
And childhood fantasies
Help me believe'
Cause I don't want to miss any miracles
Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes
And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in
To touch an angel's wing
And I would be free
Help me believe
When mustard seeds made mountains move
A burning bush that spoke for You was good enough
When manna fell from heavens high
Just because You told the sky to open up
Am I too wise to recognise that everything uncertain
Is certainly a possibility?
When logic fails my reasoning
And science crushes underneath
The weight of all that is unseen
Help me believe'
Cause I don't want to miss any miracles
Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes
And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in
To touch an angel's wing
And I would be free
Help me believe
When someone else's education
Plays upon my reservations
I'm the first to cave, I'm the first to bleed
If I abandon all that seeksTo make my faith informed and chic
Could You, would You show Yourself to me?
Help me believe'
Cause I don't want to miss any miracles
Maybe I'd see much better by closing my eyes
And I would shed this grownup skin I'm in
To touch an angel's wing
And I would be free

Help me believe

SMALL ENOUGH
Oh, GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOW
THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I WAS CRYING
FROM THE DARK OF DANIEL'S DEN
AND I HAVE ASKED YOU ONCE OR TWICE
IF YOU WOULD PART THE SEA AGAIN
BUT TONIGHT I DO NOT NEED A FIERY PILLAR IN THE SKY
JUST WANNA KNOW YOU'RE GONNA HOLD ME IF I START TO CRY
OH, GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOW
OH, GREAT GOD, BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO FEEL YOU NOW
THERE HAVE BEEN MOMENTS WHEN I COULD NOT
FACE GOLIATH ON MY OWN
AND HOW COULD I FORGET WE'VE MARCHED AROUND
OUR SHARE OF JERICHOS
BUT I WILL NOT BE SETTING OUT A FLEECE FOR YOU TONIGHT
JUST WANNA KNOW THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT
OH GREAT GOD, BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO FEEL YOU NOW
ALL PRAISE AND ALL HONOR BE
TO THE GOD OF ANCIENT MYSTERIES
WHOSE EVERY SIGN AND WONDER TURN THE PAGES OF OUR HISTORY
BUT TONIGHT MY HEART IS HEAVY
AND I CANNOT KEEP FROM WHISPERING THIS PRAYER
"ARE YOU THERE?"
AND I KNOW YOU COULD LEAVE WRITING ON THE WALL
THATS JUST FOR ME
OR SEND WISDOM WHILE I'M SLEEPING,
LIKE IN SOLOMAN'S SWEET DREAMS
BUT I DON'T NEED THE STRENGTH OF SAMSON
OR A CHARIOT IN THE END
JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU STILL KNOW HOW MANY HAIRS
ARE ON MY HEAD
OH GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOWh, GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOW
THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I WAS CRYING
FROM THE DARK OF DANIEL'S DEN
AND I HAVE ASKED YOU ONCE OR TWICE
IF YOU WOULD PART THE SEA AGAIN
BUT TONIGHT I DO NOT NEED A FIERY PILLAR IN THE SKY
JUST WANNA KNOW YOU'RE GONNA HOLD ME IF I START TO CRY
OH, GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOW
OH, GREAT GOD, BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO FEEL YOU NOW
THERE HAVE BEEN MOMENTS WHEN I COULD NOT
FACE GOLIATH ON MY OWN
AND HOW COULD I FORGET WE'VE MARCHED AROUND
OUR SHARE OF JERICHOS
BUT I WILL NOT BE SETTING OUT A FLEECE FOR YOU TONIGHT
JUST WANNA KNOW THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT
OH GREAT GOD, BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO FEEL YOU NOW
ALL PRAISE AND ALL HONOR BE
TO THE GOD OF ANCIENT MYSTERIES
WHOSE EVERY SIGN AND WONDER TURN THE PAGES OF OUR HISTORY
BUT TONIGHT MY HEART IS HEAVY
AND I CANNOT KEEP FROM WHISPERING THIS PRAYER
"ARE YOU THERE?"
AND I KNOW YOU COULD LEAVE WRITING ON THE WALL
THATS JUST FOR ME
OR SEND WISDOM WHILE I'M SLEEPING,
LIKE IN SOLOMAN'S SWEET DREAMS
BUT I DON'T NEED THE STRENGTH OF SAMSON
OR A CHARIOT IN THE END
JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU STILL KNOW HOW MANY HAIRS
ARE ON MY HEAD
OH GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOW

I thank God that He is with me even through this. Was going through some self-defeating thoughts while studying in the quiet area in the library and didnt know what to do but just to pray.

And His Spirit came.

Was led to these 2 songs above by Nichole Nordeman. The lyrics really expresses my heart and what I'm going through. Was also then reminded of an incident when we as a family were struggling together during Ahma's battle with her sickness. She was very sick and i didnt know why but one morning i got up and found this verse 1Thessa 5:16-18 in my Bible, wrote it on a piece of paper and stuck it on the stairs so that mum would see it the first thing she got up...coz i was too shy to tell her. was very young and shy then..i think i still am. :)

16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Thank You

Childhood memories

Childhood comes once in a lifetime but the memories stays forever.

-Daniel Lee (7th November 2008)

Woke up this morning and was recalling with The Housemate our childhood experiences. It's always good to reminisce and see how wonderful God has been to us.

-Mum had to always carry my bag for me and walk with me all the way to my class when i was in Standard 1 and i think she had to do it till Standard 3. I remember when i was in Standard 1, mum had to always be at the classroom door or at least the canteen to pick me up. If she wasn't there, i would go throw a tantrum and cry like really really bad. There was once i went berserk and my classmates had to go call her to come personally to pick me up from the classroom. Haha. She told me later how embarassed she was.

-One of the days in primary school i would never forget was when mum came to pick me up from school and she said that her colleague who went to UK for holidays got me what i wanted. My first ever official Man Utd jersey with my first official Man Utd football magazine. I was grinning from ear to ear. That really cheered me up. She didn't know that just before she came, i had a bad encounter with some bullies. All the fear went away went i heard what she said :)

-Another day i would never forget was when i came to school one day and my friends came and told me, 'wei jin, u passed PTS (some exam which if u passed, you could skip std 4)'. how i only wished i could be scoring those kind of results now. But yea, the thing about it that really made me remember it was that the discipline teacher then, Puan Lee said that those who cleared that exam had to donate RM1,000 to the school PIBG. I was like..aiyo..how laaaaa??????

-Ah Ma used to make really good milos and butter toast with sugars. man..i miss her.

-i remember wanting to buy adidas predator football boots so that i could look like David Beckham. I even bought brylcream to centre part my hair. 

-I looked forward to Daddy's return from overseas coz he would get me all these transformers and also Tamiya cars with spare parts. i feel so bad now for not keeping them properly.

-I remember sitting down with Dad in the old house cutting up bamboo trees and making model planes with them. We used rubber bands to hold them together. I also remember playing football once with Dad. He's always very busy with work but that one day when he played with me, i will never forget.

-I remember being forced to eat these really yucky vit c chewable tablets and i would always hide it under my tongue and would then later spit it out into the toilet bowl and flush it away. Not to mention hiding the cane so that our parents couldn't find it.

-I remember telling mum one afternoon that Sherny and me would go mop the kitchen for her. (she trained us to mop floor by going down on all fours and using clothes to wipe the floor) Sherny and i used all the distilled water that we collected to mop the floor and we ended up flooding the kitchen and playing with water in the kitchen. Needless to say, we got our fair share of spankings.

-Not to forget the times when i fell asleep on my workbooks which we would buy from the Formula workshop or Leong agency and salivate all over them...i never finished them. haha

-and not to forget too, the countless fights i had with Sherny and Lyn. We were champion wrestlers then.

What are yours?

i look back and i thank God that He has blessed us so much. I look back and also realize all the energy and effort put in raising 3 children. We only hope that all the sacrifices were worth it. And that when mum, papa, ahma and mama, ahkong and all the aunties and uncles (biological and not biological) look at us, they would be proud.

Elections

‘Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history, we make history.’

 -John McCain, in his Concession Speech, after losing to Barack Obama in the US Presidential campaign

 

Indeed, the much talked and discussed about US Presidential campaign has finally come to an end. It really has been an interesting journey. After all the immense resources spent on campaigning, I am very much grateful that the next President of the USA has been elected. I think that the money spent on campaigning should have been put to better use.

 Listening to Barack Obama’s winning speech, I can’t help wonder whether are there any hidden agendas. Then again, I’m sure all politicians have ‘other agendas’. Where did they get all the money for their campaigns? From private investors I reckon. It’s interesting to see how Barack’s stand on pro-choice, stem cell research and homosexuality marriages would affect the local and global community.

I’ve only took a recent interest in ‘adult-y’ things recently, must be due to the whole realization that hey, I’m growing up and pretty soon, I’ve to fend for myself (haha) in this Beautifully created place called Earth but has been polluted by us.

Barack’s winning speech was certainly inspiring while John’s one was filled with grace and humility. Both I’m sure are great leaders and we can all learn a thing from do.

Man, just read about Proposition 8. A motion being voted in California that will either legalize or NOT gay marriages.

In the midst of all this, what does a Child of the Most High do?

On his knees.

Some of the things I will be praying for tonight (so that you can pray with me too):

-The USA and that God's will for the country will come forth

-Persecuted brothers and sisters in the the country of Uganda

-A very special brother who i deeply miss and love serving Him in the country of Indonesia

-A sister who received good news

-A brother who is leaving for Malaysia after finishing his studies here in Adelaide

-Myself, that i will stay true to Him and to what He has called me to.

Let's go

Wow.

In His mercy, and God-willing, i will be starting my career as a pharmacist in a pharmacy at a local shopping complex.

It's interesting how the events unfolded.

I sent out my resume on Tuesday night (Wed morning more like it, at 12.30am). Got a call on Wed morning at 11ish am, went in for an interview on Thursday afternoon and got offered the job on the Friday. After praying and talking to some wise ppl, i took it up on Sat morning. Much thanks to a few individuals also who helped me in ways unimaginable (you know who you are :p).

Boy, am i excited!!

The past few days have just been filled with dreams and of interesting thoughts like, where am i going to go from here? What's my 5 yr goal? and questions along those lines. Then there was also the whole issue with whether to go back to M'sia or to stay here. (it's like i sorta know where God is calling/leading me to now but i'm just too stubborn)

As the semester draws to a close, i look back and recall all the experiences that i had in uni. Just had lunch with some of my mates and we were all reminiscing about the past and saying how we're going to share each other's embarassing photos/stories on our wedding days. haha. Let's see..I thank God for the friends that He has given me, for the experiences He has allowed me to go through. For sure, there were ups and downs but all in all, God still be praised :)

Assessments are around the corner and after that...who knows. but right now, i just want to stop and take a moment and thank Him and praise Him for EVERYTHING.

Aites, time to return to the books.

peace.

-might write more on the past 4 yrs and on what is to come later.

sttooooodiiieeee.

Thoughts

I praise You O Lord for the good times and the bad times.


The past few weeks, i have had this burden on my heart. With the impending end of uni, this huge weight of whether i'll be able to get a job here lies heavily upon my heart. Yes, i would want to work in Australia, purely on the grounds to have the experience of working in an overseas country. My heart at the end of the day is to return to where i was conceived, my homeland Malaysia. Coursemates have been getting calls and going for interviews while no one seemed to have responded to my resumes. And yea, been feeling down. Its not a nice feeling to be 'left out'. Haha.


This morning I woke up praying, asking God just for that one thing to motivate me again to push on. For that one thing. Lo and behold, in His mercy, He gave me that.


Just got a call from a pharmacy to go in tomorrow for an interview and boy, am i ecstatic. I don't care whether i get the job or not but right now, i just want to enjoy this feeling for the moment and go back to praying and asking Him for directions.


I have been faced with failures and various incidents in the past 2 yrs that i've sort of lost my self-confidence. It's true that at the end of the day, i want to be purely confident in Him (maybe He's teaching me that....). Like i always thought the problem with me is that i cannot keep focus on one thing but various things have suggested otherwise. I thought i don't have discipline but i have seen discipline expressed in various forms in me. Just not the same way it's expressed in other people. I did things that people suggested or followed other peoples example and tried as i much, it just didnt work. The end result was always the same. This morning I was just pouring that frustration out to Him and said, 'Lord, you know me the best. You created me. You know me better than I know myself. Amen'


Even with the Pharmacy profession. I STILL have my doubts about whether is this the right one for me. I'm not FULLY enjoying what i study, there are moments of ups and downs and i really don't see myself doing this long term(then again, i haven't fully experienced what this profession is to offer, i'm probably only at the tip of the iceberg..so who knowss...) But today again, i thank God that He spoke to me through a certain lecturer during my tut. To start it, i got a good rating from the counselling session we had. (Our tutorials are basically like acting classes now, we take turns acting as pharmacists while the lecturers/tutors/pharmacists are our patients). Mind you, i usually get borderline ratings but today, i had a bit better. I was so used to getting borderline ratings that i thought hey, maybe thats who I'm going to be, a borderline pharmacist.haha. But todays rating made me realised that hey, i actually can counsel somebody. The lecturer i had today went on talking about how he knew of some pharmacists who gave up the thought of spending less time with patients just so that they have more patients which of course meant more profit to actually spend more time with patients. He trained his staffs to do all the dispensing so that he need not have to dispense AT ALL and had the time to just talk to his patients. He went on making more money as his patients liked him so much.


That excites me..spending time with people and i'm thinking hey, i could actually enjoy this. This whole pharmacy thing could be a means to an end. Like hey, give out a tract to every Panadol sold. haha.


I've come to learn and experienced that God will work when there is a total surrender of one self and i am reminded again that it is the Person i should seek and not what He can do.

Long term, i would most probably pursue this crazy idea of doing full time or mission work but i want to be a tentmaker, like Paul. So right now, i'm just going to pick up where i left and pushed on this journey of self-discovery and more importantly, discovering more about Him, my First Love.

Thank You, Love

Joshua

I was at the evening service in Edge Church yesterday. Its probably the equivalent of Hillsongs/Shakers church in Syd and Melb for Adelaide. Funny thing happened. There was a bunch of us and we entered the church and got our seats. It was probably 5-6 rows from the front. After everyone got seated, i realised there was none left for me so i left everyone else and went to sit in the front alone. It was the second row from the front.

So there I was, worshipping God amongst Aussies and they suddenly did the whole, 'Aights, say hi to someone next to you.' And so i did, but when i introduced myself, no one got the name Wei Jin. It was like, 'Hi, I'm Wei Jin. ' 'Huh?' 'Weeei Jin' 'Huh?' And i dont know why but i blurted out 'Joshua' after a couple of times saying 'Wei Jin'. And they went,'oh, Hi, Josh!!' Haha. Must be thinking too much of Josh Lim in Klg. Oh well..from now on, I'm Josh Wong. LOL. hmm...or what about just Jin? That'd be quite cool eh? 

And guess who i sat next to....one of the Guglimucci's. Forgotten his name but it was Mike Gug's brother. 

Updates

Thank God sis is done with Pmr. now its the brother with his SAM. haha

haha, i think my family and i has a weird sense of humor. mum passed my ielts results thru maymay.

been collecting pine cones. brings back memories.

i rmb when we used to go to aust as a family for holidays and mum would get us to pick good ones to bring back to msia for decos in the hse. haha. we super swakoo ppl.

The past few weeks have been refreshing, i must say although it flew by very quickly. Been spending a lot of time by the river nearby just to destress and reflect. Everything seems to look prettier during spring. Birds are flying and singing, sun is shining, flowers are blooming, tall trees are oh so magnificent, everyone's outdoors.

'O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in Him'

Psalm 34:8

Leg's coming along ok. There are days when it dosent feel that bad and you think everythings ok and u push it a bit and the next day, it swells up and pain comes back and im reminded again that im not exactly fully functionable yet. So yea, the past few weeks hv been pretty much a mix of contrasting emotions:happy days when leg would be all good or depressed days when it hurts a bit. But everytime when that happens, i try to put things into perspective, there are more important things to think about than to whine about the long rehab process. 

God has been working and is still working with me and He's calling me to something..

Just need that lil bit of faith.

'Quiet Time'

Abang Danny sent me this yesterday and i thought it was quite apt with what i was gong through.

http://www.liveasif.org/view.cgi?article=4864

'Quiet Time' with Kasia Kedzia

Sep 30, 2008

When Your Best Is Not Good Enough

Over the past few weeks I have been more busy then usual. This busyness has felt good even when it bordered frustration. It felt good because I felt as though I was accomplishing things, helping people and being productive. Yet, all those warm, fuzzy, good feelings were torn to little peaces and stomped on by this weekend. 

During my time of ‘the good busyness’ there had been challenges that come up; family crisis that needed to be addressed, friendships that needed extra tending to, household issues left not completely dealt with and of course work challenges. As these different things came up I addressed them to the best of my ability and kept right on trooping, feeling pretty good about having made every effort and thought that I had kept my focus on God while doing so. 

However, sometimes no matter how hard I try I can feel like my best is just not good enough. So this past weekend, when the family issues reared their ugly head again, when work dished out a portion which I simply felt inadequate to handle while watching others coast on by, when a roommate completely dismissed and disacknowledged all my efforts, and when a friend felt disappointed in me, I felt like a failure in every aspect of my life. I had run out of love to give. I had been doing a lot but I had not been praying. 

Job 39:11 (NIV) Will you rely on him for his great strength? Will you leave your heavy work to him?

One failure after the next I tried to keep a happy face but eventually they all welled up to the surface until they began to gush out of me in streams of tears. Once this started, no matter how hard I tried I could not stop it, the tears kept coming and the pain, frustration and feeling of utter helplessness coiled tightly around my heart and stomach. I failed to fix what was broken. All my efforts had not been good enough. In this moment, I realized no matter how much I wanted my parent, boss, roommate and friend to see and legitimize all my efforts they could not. I realized that all though I was doing all I could to please God I was measuring my efforts by the human response scale. I was unable to perform and produce results by my own strength hence why I felt like an utter failure. I had not failed in God’s eyes but because I was not looking to Him I was unable to see past myself. All the while, I hadn’t given it over to the only one who could do anything about it. 


1 Chronicles 28:20 (Message) David continued to address Solomon: "Take charge! Take heart! Don't be anxious or get discouraged. GOD, my God, is with you in this; he won't walk off and leave you in the lurch. He's at your side until every last detail is completed for conducting the worship of GOD.

When I turned to God after the sobs ceased and there was no energy left to fight I was still, partly because I had no more energy to be anything but still, and partly because God stilled me. 

Psalm 65:7 (NAS) Who stills the roaring of the seas, The roaring of their waves, And the tumult of the peoples.

I realized that although he calls me to love and give to others, He also, in that same way loves me and wants to give to me. So when I feel like there is nothing left to give and I have failed in every way, God calls me to take heart and allow Him to love me for the mess I am. He wants me to come before Him and is waiting to listen. He will fix what is broken in His time and He will fix me when I’m broken. I know there will be many more times when my efforts will just seem not good enough but I must have faith that they are good enough for God. I must hope for better days. Finally, I must allow him to love me in order to be able to continue to love others. 

Isaiah 35:4 (Message) Tell fearful souls, "Courage! Take heart! GOD is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He's on his way! He'll save you!"

1 Corinthians 13 (NIV) 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Meet the Author:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurities…what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It’s the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God’s word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

Isaiah 43:18-19

I suscribe to Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotional and a whole host of other daily mails/updates/news/devos from other Christian ministries. So much so that sometimes i don't pay much attention in reading them, i just skim through them. hehe. I just like to expose myself to as much things as i can when i still can absorb. (more like try la ;P)

Today's entry from Rick Warren was interesting and somehow much relevant to me.

Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

*the computer labs here at uni just undergone a hardware update, we have uber cool huge screens now. Blogging has never been this fun!! haha, not to mention..wideeeeee*

I've been dwelling too much on the 'if only's. So much that i think it has paralysed me from doing things and being myself, and to move on.

I had a verse for the OCFer's during Kairos (OCF SA's annual leadership 'retreat') over the recent weekend. Joshua 3:5 "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you." I felt, especially in our local centre that a season is ending a new one is beginning, one filled with GREAT things. But before THAT can happen, there is a need for us to consecrate ourselves and to really put Him first in our lives, individually and corporately. Another verse came about on the following day of Kairos, Luke 9:23 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

Never saw it to be so real to me too. Actually, from past experiences, everytime i had a verse or a word for the people around me, it seemed to be so relevant to me too. Maybe its His way to make sure i don't swell up with pride.

I thank God for Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

and the promise from Isaiah that when His word is preached, it will not return to Him void.
(ish, can't remember where that's from)

and whoooosh, the Comforter arrives.

:)

Broken

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude 
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

This song sorta describes some of my current emotions.

Luke 9:23 Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.

It's not an easy journey. I just pray for peace.

Random pics

OCF Uni SA's outgoing and incoming committee minus one

OCF Uni SA's outgoing committee. The missing guy was replaced by a picture and a 'drawing'. Haha.

Attended the Pharmacy Guild Ball.  The theme was Vintage Hollywood (whatever that means). haha. First time wearing a hat, always thought I wasn't the hat-type kinda person, never thought i could pull it off  but thanks to Ju-Lear, Yat Tuang and Sher Ri, i found one to wear...on the day before. Wasn't planning on spending any more $$ on the whole thing. The ticket was already so expensive. But yea, hat cost another extra aud 15 and i reckon i could wear it for other occasions too.

My 2 years anniversary

To my dearest Anterior Cruciate Ligament,

You used to reside in between my femur and tibia of my right knee but God chose to remove you for reasons still not fully known. Today marks the 2 years anniversary of living life without you. As my fellow human beings remember the loss when the Twin Towers came down in USA, I remember you.

Life really hasn't been the same since you 'left'. Watching football on tv has never been the same. Thoughts like, 'oh man, i can't wait to try that move on the field' have now turned to, 'oh my, he better be careful less he loses his ACL too'. Running up stairs and zig zag used to be pain free but now, it's a different story all together.

I thought i could move on without you. I remember the day when i tried to play a game of football with some of the guys. Boy, what an experience. I never want to go through that again. Everytime i swing my leg, i felt like the lower part of the leg was going to 'fly off'. I missed your grip and your strength. You held my legs together and really gave me stability. Since you were gone, life really hasn't been the same.

I must say, i kept wishing things were different. That you did not have to leave. But i gave this body of mine to Him a long time ago already and told Him to do as He pleases. And so, i have to move in obedience.

The past 2 years wasn't easy. I remember the times when i argued with my parents because i was so adamant to go get a replacement for you ASAP. To the point that they said i could do as i please. It was a struggle inside. I knew i wanted a replacement fast but at the same time, i just could not bring myself to dishonour them. And so, i moved in obedience again to wait and see how life would be without you. I remember the countless times i see people running and playing football freely and wished that i could be part of them too. I remember the times when i tried jogging and had to slow down due to the pain and well, let some old uncle overtake me and say, 'aiyo, you young man, why so slow?' Obviously, my ego took control of me. Not to forget the many times i fell into sadness and lamenting my predicament.

Over time, i realised that a replacement was needed and its currently in the position you vacated. Boy, was it an experience. To undergo surgery at 21. Who would have thought?
To my tendon whos now acting as a pseudo-ACL, i appreciate what you are doing for me in my right knee. You were not created for this function but medical advancements allows you to help the other ligaments in that area by taking up ACL's spot. I pray and hope that you will last this 'journey of life' till i die. I will do what i can to support you with physiotherapy.

By God's grace, i have not sustained any major injuries over the past 2 years. I look back also still wondering why you, my ACL, left. Apart from the countless dollars i have saved from futsal, i can't think of anything that has impacted me. Although, compared to the dollars spent in getting the replacement, i rather play futsal. I may be wiser now and maybe when i return to the field, i could be a better player. I have to choose my tackles wisely, move wisely and play wisely too. I will probably appreciate every single second on the field now also.

I look at other people. Those who are in a more serious condition than i am like cancer etc and i thank God that i still have life. I will learn not to focus so much on what i don't have but on what i have. It always has been a struggle as i can be more of a pessimists at times.

Maybe this is the lesson to be learnt. To seize what i have and make full use of it.

To my ACL, i miss you but life goes on. I look forward to the day when i can play football again. 10 more months.

My childhood dream of playing for Manchester United still holds.

:)

La la chai

*disclaimer: This post does not seek to stereotype people or accused others of bad fashion taste as the author believes that each individual has the right to dress and look in however they wish to a certain level. 

Manda said that my new haircut looks like a typical australasian look. (you should see students when they leave home for Australia to study-most of 'em will cut their hair short to save money on haircuts here and we all look so cute and youngish..haha. Went to this place opposite ACS Klang called Ahead just to try the place out before coming back to Adelaide)

A lot of the people here dressed what some Malaysians would call 'lala'-ly and they actually look quite cool. Even the asians here. I think its just the fashion. Something 'lala' back home would i guess be 'in' here. haha. And so when Manda said that, i was like.hmm..means, i look 'lala'. (boy, was i happy to be associated with a seafood.hehe. didnt get to eat my share of seafood when i was back because of an old wive's tale-seafood not good to eat during post op and i still cant eat them. ) Now i only need some tight jeans and tight black t and probably some blonde streaks in my hair. I've already got the necklace and i guess a bracelet would be a bonus. Not to forget the leather sling bag.

Pirated cd's anyone???hehe

The pharmacy guild ball is this coming Saturday, i might just go there dressed like a true Klangite. hmm..but seriously, what should i wear?

The picture above shows my new hairdo(actually come to think of it, not much diff also..oh well..haha) and me in a wheelchair at KLIA. Yup, i was in a wheelchair all the way from KLIA right to the moment i was picked up from Adelaide airport. You really get top priority. I got to cut queues and be the first to check in and first to get onto the plane, was even in the first row after the business class coz i need the leg space. There was about 8 of us which needed special attention ie wheelchairs, me and 7 other frail looking elderly people. One of them just went for a heart bypass. So yea, you can pretty much imagine everyone's awkward stares at me when we all passed them. I just held tightly to my crutch. haha

Last week at OCF, i jumped straight back into helping leading an Alpha group and we got a really interesting question. If God adopted us all as His children than Jesus should not be His only Son as said. How to answer?

I also realised that we sometimes see God through lenses. For example, if a child has bad relationship with his/her father or a bad picture of a father and never had a father figure in his/her life. The illustration of God as Our Father would not really appeal to her and strike her. But God is still the Father. How we see Him does not affect who He really is. And so i guess, i think we should learn to pray to ask God to move all this lenses that we use to see Him with to really know and see Him for Who He really is.

I'm looking forward to this Sunday. Can finally catch my breath and then maybe go for a swim after church.

:)

OCF Uni SA Agm is this Friday too. I will be stepping down from my current position. Oh boy..what's next??

Reflections

As I was driving home from physio yesterday (yes, i can drive already for those who have been asking - have been driving myself to physio and dropping Mum off at work, so kind of her to let me use her car), i realised that this 'handicap' of mine will always be there. I was ecstatic and how i could walk again after being so 'disabled' after the surgery. So much so that i 'forgot' that my right knee is still missing something (they removed a tendon to be my new pseudo-ACL, so eventhough i've got a new pseudo-ACL, i'm missing a tendon near my patella region).

I thought I was normal and able again.

All that disappeared when the physiotherapist reminded me of do's and don'ts when in Adelaide during this year long of recuperation and i was brought back down to earth. He mentioned that before the op, i probably had 75% use of my knee and after the op, i may be able to achieve 90-95% with good and adequate physio for the next 6 months.

Why not 100%?

I guess some things are not meant to be.

So, my friend, if you see me hobbling, please gently remind me to make a conscious effort to walk properly as i'm still paranoid about my right knee and don't put enough pressure on it. Note: gently remind me, not slap on my back as what i used to ask you to do if you see me hunching. Now, if you slap me on the back, i might fall and tear another ligament and the cycle worsens. haha. Do check on me also to make sure that i'm diligent in my physiotherapy sessions. (I bought a pair of goggles to 'revive' my swimming 'career' - doctors have been saying that it's one the safest and effective form of physio. Anyone care for a swim?haha). I still can't fully bend my knee and definitely can't duduk bersila and still require one crutch for long distances.

Interesting times indeed for Malaysia, talks of a new government have never been so widespread and talked about. Let's keep on praying for His will for this country. I heard a song by Planetshakers titled, 'Save Australia' once and i thought, 'What a nice prayer, the words were so apt, i wonder if Planetshakers would let me take the song and replace Australia with Malaysia'. Read an article about how it's easy to find a Chinese, Indian or Malay Hero. But it's hard to find a Malaysian hero. Some truths in that statement, a lot of us are filled with prejuidices and dissatisfaction towards one another. Most of us struggle to identify with one another at times too.

It's been a good 2 monthsish time of rejuvenation and self-discovery. Not to mention all the funky food i got to eat again. Instead of Chicken soup for the soul, i should write a book call 'Malaysian junk food for the soul'. Chpt 1, deep fried pork knuckles when gloomy coz the very sight of them would gross you out and you would chuckle at the thought of who is crazy enough to eat another animal's legs. 10minutes later, you're swallowing it down into your tummy. Chpt 2, eat nasi lemak with kari or banana leaf rice with beautiful curry till you lau sai to get the adrenaline rush to wash your sorrows away. Chpt 3, taufufa and gueylingko .....etc. u get the point. haha. Ooo, did i mention too that i also had the chance to check out the buka puasa stalls near my place. The scents were so refreshing. Beef rendang, ayam percik, ikan bakar...drools.

I return to Adelaide tonight with a sense of accomplishment. Mum kept telling me that this trip back home was to get my leg fixed and anything else was a bonus and i must say, i received a lot of bonuses. I told myself the main priorities for this trip back home was to just catch up with my family and friends and to get my leg fixed. I got more. I've learned things about myself again and have set new goals and priorities in my life (hopefully, they'll stay. haha).

I'm probably going to cry again tonight but oh well, haha, at least i've got a wheelchair and attendant to push me to the aeroplane.

hehehhehehhehehehhehehehehehehe.

I've got 3 papers to sit for next week, 8th, 9th and 12th. Would appreciate the support in praying. And there after, God-willing, the last semester.

Hopefully...

See you in Adelaide.

Happiness

I just sat for my IELTS speaking test today. (For those interested, my other components of the test will be on this Saturday, 30th Aug from 8am.) One of the questions that i was asked was along the lines of, 'Do you think is sensible for someone to be happy all the time?'

I answered, 'Well, if i did not know sadness, i would not know happy and being happy all the time would not be any good.'

I thought it was an interesting question.

The examiner went on asking whether did i think people today are happy.

I know some Malaysians who are not. Not happy about this, that and a whole lot of stuff.

But i'm sure Malaysians at Permatang Pauh would be happy, or at least the majority are with Dato Seri Anwar's win. It's going to be very interesting to see what happens in Malaysia over the next few months. We just have to keep praying and trusting God.

Are you happy?

Random Ramblings

Just took some photos and put them all up (not according to order),

Received a very interesting card from Adelaide. Thanks :) It really made my day.

Lil deco's in the hall at home.


Where I sometimes spend precious moments with Him in the hall at home.

Attended Bukit Bintang Old Boys Dinner.

Char siew pau and No mai kai

Guess what i found? They sell Bundaberg Ginger beer here for Rm 8.50. One of the 'pearls' that i discovered in Adelaide.

I'm going to wear you soon!!

The new fish pond

Sexy scars.

How do you say ligament in cantonese? Lee-Gah-Man?!?!!??!

Being a 'handicap' has privilleges. It's been an interesting journey moving around in crutches. You begin to realise that hey, not all shopping malls are equipped with disability-friendly facilities. Like for example, how are you going to open a toilet door when both your hands are on the crutches. Mind you, toilet doors are equipped with those auto swivel thing at the joint where it 'closes' itself when open. Go try. haha. Not many are considerate of your condition too. Got bumped around the other day. Really was annoyed. Thankfully, i was able to 'not fall'. Interesting enough, the mamak fellas and aunties and uncles at kopitiam and not to forget burmese workers in restaurant are more understanding of my situation compared to the common folk. Oh well, life goes on.. :)

Chong Wei lost. I guessed Malaysians were really looking to him to bring some joy in times of political stife and uncertainties. Almost everyday in the newspaper, there are articles reporting, Anti-Corruption Agency arrested so and so....Public dissatisfaction...and so on. A silver's still something to celebrate for and credit to him for going against the entire stadium of crazily LOUD people.

I'm beginning to move around at home without crutches already but still need one when i move long distance. And long distance means walking to shopping mall entrance from carpark. haha

I miss football. I miss leading my brothers in defending the goal. One of my favourite position in the field was either being the defensive midfielder or the sweeper. Breaking up attacking plays of the opposing team and starting our own attacking plays. Tactial stuffs. If you recall, i used to have my own footie team and we would go around challenging team and yours truly would of course be the one leading. Man, i dont know why but i have a sudden respect for Rio Ferdinand. The way he plays and leads. 11 more months. ish ish.

Going back to Adelaide on the 3rd of Sept and will arrive on the 4th.

At physio

Guess where am I at now? haha.

I am currently in the middle of my physiotherapy session. How cool is that? They have free wireless internet at this place and i told myself, one day, i'm gonna bring my lappie and look cool over here. Today's the day. haha.

Not so cool anymore when you're in pain. I'm on this machine that bends your knee. I have been stuck around the 80 to 120 range the past few days. It hurts like crazy when its around 110ish. Happens coz of muscle stiffness. Ahh..110, 115.....aaaaaaaaa....cant scream in public. . . . ... ... .....

haha..cheap thrills that excites me. shiok sendiri.

I'm beginning to understand that this trip back home is purely for my leg and anything else that i get are bonuses. Bye bye pulau perhentian or redang or langkawi. I was really hoping for the opportunity to go for a short trip at one of the islands. Oh well....nasi kandar at kayu tonight.
:)

Lifesong

[Amazing grace currently being played in the backgroud]

I thank God for movies like 'Amazing Grace'. I finally had the opportunity to watch the movie after wanting to watch it for oh-so-long but never really had the chance and time.

William Wilberforce or Wilby as mentioned by his wife in the movie interests me. To have something you are so passionate about and to give your whole life up for it is something very admirable and i shudder at the thought that He may do that with me too. Sometimes, i feel like i have 'closed the door' on Him to put desires in my heart for fear that it will consume me.

Interestingly enough, i just had a conversation with the Joker in Perth about our purposes on Earth. I know we are called to 'go forth and multiply', to 'go make disciples of all nations', to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever etc. We were talking more specifics.

Like being called to fight the oppression of human beings or something to that effect, or being a father (i've come to see that there's a calling in that too), etc.

Let's see what happens.

Isaiah 26:8 Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you;
your name and renown are the desires of our hearts.
9a My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you.
----
Did i mention how much i love hymns? To come up with lines like, 'i was once blind but now i see' when one is blind. Wow. (from the original Amazing Grace by John Newton, go wiki him.hehe) Still, credit to Chris Tomlin for coming up with a remake of 'Amazing Grace' but there's always a financial side when songwriters today come up with songs. Don't get me wrong, i like Chris T and the stuffs that he has come up with. I believe He is also using people like him for His purposes.

I just love songs written from the heart, purely from one's individual life experiences with God and with no financial incentives and all that sorts.

I was talking to mum about it. Hymns, in general, will appeal to people with more life experiences as they have come to appreciation of what the authors really meant when they wrote what they wrote and it just gives more depth when singing it. Simply because, they understand and may have also gone through similar life experiences.

Pampered jokers like me, well, we need people like Chris T to come up remake of old hymns to appeal to our taste musically and hopefully, when 'caught' by the song, we will do our own search and appreciate the words used and thoughts suggested AND...

Worship Him.

:)

----
Ended up not going for Passion KL. I gave my ticket away. First was Hillsongs, now this. haha. Oh well...
----
Praise God. I can walk on one crutch now and have even tried limping around the house without crutches. I say limping as i still can't fully bend the knee so when without the crutch, i look like i'm hobbling or limping around. Bruises are also slowly disappearing away too. And yes, i hit 90 degrees already, did 100 actually yesterday :) Achieved my target to only use one crutch by this week. For the coming week, my target would be to hit the gyms. Let's see. Been pushing myself like crazy in physios.

3.33am

Its 3.33 am and i'm awake. Been having trouble sleeping the past few days. Would only get a couple of hours sleep each night and they're not like like sleep sleep. Its like sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up.

One of the causative factors would be them muscle aches and discomfort all over my leg. Ish.

Stitches came off today. Something to be grateful for :)

Pushing on

In light of my present sufferings, i am reminded of the Cross..yet again. I was grimacing in pain the other day as some machine was forcing my knees to bend and boy, do they hurt and i remembered the cross and what kind of pains He went through. It cannot be compared of course. It must have been incredibly painful for Him.

The picture above is the latest one on how my leg looks like. Swellings decreased already. Its much lighter now and im beginning to regain some strength there. Bruisings all over are from crazy physiotherapists who enjoy making you suffer.

haha.

It's from the excess bleeding from the op. But yea, these physiotherapists are real jokers man. They keep going, 'come on, push, push' or 'Today, doctor gave me license to make you suffer, muahahaha.' And us patients would be laughing at one another when one of us go through some excruciating exercises not knowing we are next. I was a victim.

I managed to hit 80 degrees yesterday without a machine. hehehe. so proud of myself. Then some aunty shouted from behind, 'ah boy ah...im already doing 70 and i just had my op couple days ago.'

potong stim man.

Pushing on today, my goal for the week, to rid of one crutch.

Did i mention, my new best friends are my crutches and they super cool looking brace i have to wear everytime i 'walk'. haha. And my new enemy is that stocking that i have to wear everyday to compress my veins and arteries to avoid DVT. They're soooo uncomfortable.

I am so grateful for the people around me. They have been so helpful. Bringing breakfast to bed for me, driving me around, helping me to shower...the list is endless.

:)

Off to physio. See ya. Gonna try 90 today.